Dear ideas, where are you?

I am toiling over my assignment—squeezing out ideas from my midget brain. Seriously, computer application subject gives me a headache—a big fat one.

Every time when I am rummaging through my brain for an idea, the sign “under construction” would pop up. Well, the problem is my brain displays such sign since the last two weeks. I got an idea actually but I’ve a hard time expounding it into a tangible material.

My ideas are in the clutter. Okay, I admit that I’m unorganized person but miraculously I work better in a scruffy area. Okay, that is not important right now. I’ve to focus on the utmost importance which is obviously my computer application task and must search for the ideas by hook or by crook—or else my lecturer will surely kill me. If I still fail to gain anything before Thursday, seriously I’ve to start writing up my will.

I have tried numerous things to stimulate my brain in exuding ideas—ranging from gorging on crispy mini bars, gawking at handsome guys,(okay it’s my inevitable little foible ), doing the noodle-dance(got the technique from PB& J otter cartoon),“googling” up for information and etc.

By the way speaking of stunning and adorable guys, (honestly, I praise God every time when I see one and greatly amaze by His ineffable creations but please don’t emulate such insidious behaviour), their looks are ephemeral. Like I said million times, beauty is not important as it will fade and shrivel in the twirl of time. The pivotal attribute is the heart, itself.

My dream husband does not have to be as handsome as Tom Weilling from Smallville with brawny arms or as rich as Donald Trump (please don’t tell me you don’t know who Donald Trump is and no, he is not Donald Duck’s brother) and as mawkish as Malay’s movie guys and the like.

The most vital thing is, he must love Allah s.w.t more than anything and anyone and love me more than himself. In other words, I don’t want him to be extremely frugal and cheap and he would try his best to make me happy and shower me with unconditional love as well as accept my countless flaws (would find them adorable). But um who finds eating a surfeit of food, adorable? Joey Mcintyre, the singer of “Stay the Same” song? As ifs.

Wealthy with flaws

Yes, I admit I’ve millions of flaws. Perhaps gazillion. Don’t make me as your role model okay. I don’t deserve compliments and the like as only Allah s.w.t deserves to be praised as He is the Most Exalted, Merciful and Greatest.

If you see me, praising Allah s.w.t does not mean I want to show off or swagger, “Hey look, I’m more pious than you” while sticking out tongue. I really love Him more than anything and anyone but I am aware that I am not as pious as His prophets, Rabiatul Adawiyah and other devoted Muslims. I am just a girl who possesses a vulnerable heart and has myriads of flaws. And I know I don’t deserve to enter Jannah (even my name is Jannah). Ps:Jannah means heaven.

I will never ever forget the time when He healed me in the blink of an eye. I remember when I was tormented incredibly by the breakup. Oh come on, I was an immature foolish girl who cried incessantly in the LRT from Kelana Jaya to Terminal Putra which took about an hour to arrive at my destination. Oops did I say that out loud?

Ha-ha go ahead and laugh. It was a nightmare, you know. I look like an insane lady who lost her husband like in the Malay drama. Seriously, horrible I tell you. Horrible! I feel like I want to wear a brown paper bag every time when I want to commute by LRT.

Syukuralhamdulillah, Allah s.w.t was there for me during that time. The breakup was a great nightmare. You feel there is a knife stuck on your heart and the pain is incurable. The pillows that I slept on were always wet because of my tears. When the agony devoured me ruthlessly while drowning in tears and cold loneliness, I could hear an inner voice said, “I am here for you. Don’t worry.”

And then I started to pray to Allah s.w.t to heal my heart and annihilate the unbearable pain and you know what, in the blink of an eye, He healed my heart permanently. I didn’t feel any pain or loneliness even until now. Thank you Allah s.w.t for everything.

That is why, up till now I do not have a mood to involve any relationship as I want to search for an everlasting love. My worldly and hereafter husband like Adam and Hawa(Eve).

Well, if I want to find a husband, definitely not from websites like Facebook and the like or MSN Messenger and etc. That is why I rarely entertain people who want to get to know me. I am traditional person in terms of searching for my soul mate (yes, I believe in everlasting love). I would like to meet that person face-to-face and not through online. It’s a big no-no. There are lots of psychos and lecherous guys out there.

Enmeshed in the web of love

Ah well, I could not lie myself no matter how hard I try to deceive my own little heart. Arghh. Falling in love with someone especially one-sided one is not an easy job, you know.

The hardest thing to govern is the heart. –Elizabeth 1-

It is indeed the hardest. Maugham is totally right as he said, ““The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”

I’ve been in love with someone whom I should not for a quite long time and even live in denial.

You would never understand the feeling when you really inexplicably concern about someone and truly care about him. When you always look at him and wonder, is he okay or has he eaten and the like.

You know your feeling is not based on the sheer lust as it is pure and sincere.

And when you want to chase away his sadness and how eagerly you want to make him happy but you could not as you know you would never have the chance.

You could only pray for his happiness and pray to Allah s.w.t to protect him as you know you could never ever be.

I know it is weird to fall in love with someone you barely knew greatly but you have an enigmatic feeling that as if you knew him really well even if you don’t.

You don’t know what is like to stand watching the unlighted lamppost silently waiting for its incandescent light even though you know it would impossible to be lit.

That’s all for now. Please don’t throw up. Assalamualaikum.

Burning down churches?That is not JIHAD..

I am extremely infuriated by the crass audacity portrayed by irresponsible people who had burnt down several churches. No wonder non-Muslims deem Muslims as terrorists. Islam is a peaceful religion. However, these knuckle-heads had tarnished and tainted Islam with their nefarious and idiotic act. Oh God, I feel like I want to crush those guys with my own bare hand. Even Chocolate Indulgence cake from Secret Recipe could not mollify my fiery rage. Well, except for Allah s.w.t. as only He could pacify my anger.

“Ya Allah s.w.t Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim, please give me the irrevocable patience. And don’t let me cook them for my dinner. Amin.

Okay, you must be wondering why I am greatly incensed by those knuckle-heads' obnoxious action (even if you say no, by continuing to read my post means you are interested to know).

That is because I do not want the non-Muslims to perceive Islam as a religion of violence. Like I just said, Islam is a peaceful religion but these imbecile people have tarnished the good name of Islam. If you mull over during Prophet Muhammad s.a.w’s time, he never ever instructed Muslims to burn down anything like churches or asked them to act rowdily. He is a good role-model. And that is why O brothers and sisters, we should follow his footsteps and not our ignorant and wilful heart.

He had spread Islam with patience and sagacious way and did not inflict any violence. Muslims especially the youths should be taught how to do jihad in a sensible and prudent way to eschew from triggering any disputes which could lead to the pool of blood of innocent people.

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w did not teach us to act uncouthly and despicably. If we want to spread Islam, we should emulate Prophet Muhammad s.a.w’s characteristics and follow his footsteps.No wonder he is a great leader, educator, husband and the like. His forbearance, patience, benevolence and the like are incredibly admirable. He never asked Muslims to involve in any violent and brutal activities in disseminating Islam. Such obnoxious and malicious act is resulted from humans own brittle emotions.

Well, how to resolve the problem? First and foremost, our new generation—the young adolescents and teenagers should be educated and trained how to be a good Muslim. Well, adults themselves play a vital role in moulding them to be one. Okay, if the adults display an unrefined and uncivilised manner in which engaging in the bombing activity— what would happen to the youths? Their pure mind will be polluted with violence.

Well yesterday, I stumbled upon a cantankerous and juvenile youth in Facebook. I was giving my opinion in one discussion about using Allah s.w.t’s name in the Herald magazine and then the tension was erupted by an immature and uneducated youth who I yearn to make him as my dinner. He began to use expletives and foul language which had infuriated the rest. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w reprimanded and condemned those who use cuss and foul language.

This idiot, oops I mean intellectually-challenged kid even called me a typical Malay and accused me of being a coward because I chided him not to use cuss language and advised him to muster up patience in his wayward heart. And what do I get? A caustic replied. Seriously, if he is my younger brother or sister, I am going to torture him by singing loudly to his ears (yes, I’ve a terrible and appalling voice and I'm not joking about it being lethal).

Excuse me Mr. Intellectually-challenged, by being patience and solving things judiciously does not denote cowardice. It is one of the ways of being a good Muslim.

Well how to be a good Muslim? Simple. FOLLOW PROPHET MUHAMMAD S.A.W’S FOOTSTEPS AND DON’T EVER BE DRIVEN BY YOUR OWN BASELESS EMOTIONS.

Well, that is all for today. Assalamualaikum.

My jouney to Pandora

I know it has been a while I did not post anything (like you would wait forever in front of your laptop or computer for my updates),my blogging activity has been impeded by the low internet connectivity, assignments and the like—and my ideas are shrivelled by my pessimism. Well, I’m not the type who would be grief-stricken (yeah right) if a gigantic rock smashed me like a succulent tomato. I would muster up the strength to curve a wide smile—well it does not mean I would be whooping with joy if I were squashed but Allah s.w.t’s presence would invoke my confidence and strength.

To tell you the truth, I have a lachrymose disposition—the type of person who would easily shed tears over the minutiae of things. I cry every time when my parents fly back to Miri despite residing in Kuala Lumpur for four years plus (and a final student by the way).

I cry when people scream at me at the top of their lung. I cry when I mess up in my exam. I cry when a scary cockroach callously attacks me without anyone to eliminate the insidious creature and I cry when I watch Monster inc, Up cartoon and sad movies. Well I am not being a cry baby or something but every time when I cry, the ill-feeling would be exuded and my heart would be free from their thrall.

Well, I don’t cry hysterically like in the Malay Drama films, kneeling down with both arms widely open while bawling “Tidaaaaaaaaaaaakkk” (noooooooooo). I would weep silently and quickly dab my tears with my stubby finger while scolding myself, “Would you stop it?”

The horrible, horrible quiz

Again, I’ve done terribly in my quiz (computer application subject) despite putting every ounce of efforts in answering it. My ferocious anxiety was insurmountable and I failed to eradicate it with “I can do this” mantra. My ideas were gnawed away by its growing shadow.

In the end, I did not manage to answer the last question. Plus, with the atrocious grammar and my points all jumbled up, my lecturer is going to kill me. Definitely! Please pray for my safety. I feel like digging up a very deep hole and dwelling in there for the time being. Honestly, I want to attain a good mark in this subject but I guess my dream has evaporated into the thin air.

Travelling to Pandora

After the quiz (I knew I would come out from the class with a dour face), I went out to watch Avatar, 3D version with my beloved partner in crime, Sueraya and my beloved crazy roommate, Idah. Well, we were not planning to watch the 3D movie but the sudden twinge of desire had urged me to.

I implored my friends to watch the 3D movie while making “puss in the boot” face expression — seeking for their sympathy.

I jumped in joy when I got their consent and quickly bought the tickets. However, my elation deteriorated when I saw only front seats were available. Sue and Idah shook their head, meaning they changed their mind. I could feel the wave of disappointment flowing inside me. Nevertheless, such frustration was only transitory when the ticket-seller said that the back seats would be available around 7 p.m. I peered at my friend with please-please-say-yes kind of smile, waiting for them to say okay. And they did. Again, I felt like jumping but I stifled my action.

We dined at MCD while ignoring my irritating inner voice, “The calories..the calories!”. I gobbled up my burger and curly fries jubilantly and went back to the counter around 7p.m. Well, we went there too early as the ticket-seller guy said it was not available yet (my friend’s watch was earlier than their sluggish computer’s time. Thus, we waited there patiently. I looked at that guy with a meaningful smile but his eyes averted away. “Sombong!” (arrogant), my inner voice piped up.

I prayed to Allah s.w.t with my eyes glimmering with hope, hoping that the back seats would be made available for us. Syukuralhamdulillah, Allah s.w.t answered my prayer. The arrogant guy was not so arrogant after all. He called me and gave me the tickets. Well obviously not for free. We paid of course.

Obliviously, I did the mild victory dance and was stopped by my friend's terse voice not to do it publicly . But yes, it was worth it (well not the dance, the movie). We truly enjoyed watching it. I was very thankful to God that my friends relished the movie or else they would surely choke me to death.

When we went out, we saw a kid spewing out a green puke in the metallic gray dustbin. Bet he was dizzy. So, Mr.M (one of my favourite lecturers and yes the lecturer who may choke me on this coming Tuesday because of my atrocious essay) was right. He said after watching the movie, he felt woozy. But such headache didn’t stop him from teaching zealously and enthusiastically in the class.

Well that is all from me. And yeah, happy new year by the way. May Allah s.w.t bless all of you. Take care and assalamualaikum.

Titbits of my life

New semester has officially begun coincide with a deluge of assignments. Yes. Assignments. Ssss. No, I’m not hissing. I’m emphasizing the plural form of the word “assignment”. Well, you get my drift right? But uh.. my midget brain still remains stagnant and still in the holiday mode.

Plus, my enthusiasm has plummeted. I feel like I have lost my mojo. My ideas have turned into an inkless pen. Withered.

I need ample time to recuperate from my dishearten spirit. By the way, following our heart may sometimes lead us to be squashed like a succulent tomato. It could drive us to the path where people would throw you tomatoes recurrently. And sometimes garbage. I prefer tomatoes though. If people hurled tomatoes at you, you could make a tomato juice. However, if the garbage was thrown—especially which exuded a pungent fetid smell, what would you do? Make a garbage juice? Ew. Well, the obvious suggestion would be taking a long soothing bubble bath right?

What if it fails to eliminate all the foul smell? No, I’m not saying that I’m smelly (if you smell something funny, it must be coming from you) I’m just using my peculiar—in other words, unique symbolism.

Well, not to make you go cuckoo or anything but can’t help it. I didn’t mean to make it sounds like a mumbo-jumbo or anything but such symbolism is a telltale sign of me, having the rotten days and being haunted by the unfathomable sadness. I could not wash the smell of negative scent away from me.

Digression

Well, during my American literature class, my lecturer asked about what kind of transportation we would prefer to commute. Some students answered aircraft, car, bicycle and other fancy answers. Feeling a wave of desire to give out a different answer from others (she wanted a variety of answers anyway)I answered differently. Oh yeah, very different indeed. Let me illustrate through this conversation below:

Lecturer: How about you?

Me: *Smile* Rocket (perhaps what she heard was a cat).

Lecturer: What?A cat?Class, I love her answer. She wants to travel by a cat.

All heads were spun around (I sat at the back by the way) and the eyes were straight on me followed by the robust guffaw. 30 seconds of fame. Well, more like a SHAME to me. They would think I’m a ruthless monster who relishes killing cats by riding on them with my obese body.

When the heart has gone topsy-turvy

Well, I um... *clear throat* am a bad actor (short note: actor is used for both genders). Well, my age may be young but my level of thinking surpasses the level of my current age (some
subjects like um you know the heart-shaped thingy). Never judge people by their age.

The Almighty God, Allah Ar-Rahman has taught me loads of things especially the definition of love. The perpetual love only derives from Allah s.w.t. Yeah, the truth may be wormwood as human’s love is usually ephemeral especially who falls in love because of outer beauty or money.

That’s why I have fallen greatly in love with Allah s.w.t . Please don’t ever say I’m a very pious person because obviously I’m wealthy with flaws.

By the way, I also um you know, care and very concern about the very same person whom I should not suppose to because he never fails to make me smile and chase away the gray clouds of mine.

And yeah, there is something inexplicably and ineffably special about him which is indescribable. Well the hardest thing to govern is the heart—especially my wilful perverse heart. Sorry to sound a bit mawkish but like I said death is arbitrary. You never know when “it” would greet you. Okay, full stop.

Titbits of my colourful life’s event

My fellow (the person who is in-charge of our hostel’s block)‘s voice woke me up. I was half-asleep and my mind was still in a dreamy state. Luckily she didn’t recoil in horror and scream endlessly when she saw my appalling face. I could not hear clearly what she said but I just nodded my head anyway. Then, I curled back in my striped-colourful comforter and snored like I had never snored before.

When I woke up, I found out I agreed to join a particular one day activity. From 11 a.m till night. I don’t really know what the activity is about but all I could remember is free food. Plus, my friend asked me to join the Poco-Poco dance activity tomorrow at 7.30 a.m. In the morning? Perhaps I could fall asleep while doing my Poco-poco dance. No, I’m not joking. I am not a morning person. Usually I would continue my beauty sleep after Subuh prayer (I know it is not recommended to do so but I couldn’t help myself).

And I’ve to start searching for articles for my computer application subject. Ah yes. Let’s get down to business shall we? (My lec favourite saying) and now it stuck in my head. It is a wake-up call for me not to slack off if I want to remain unscathed and don't want to get myself killed. That is all. Assalamualaikum and take care.

Short Note: It should be posted last night but the low connection activity has impeded the posting process.

Beep beep boop boop KABOOM(okay seriously I've no idea what to put)

Things do not go really well lately and always go awry. That is why I am now deprived of confidence and the lack of confidence would lead me to be clobbered by the negative notions. Some of the causes are:

1) Received no reply from PTS publication (Islamic book publication)

I’ve sent my proposal before my final exam but up till now I didn’t receive any news. Yes, I am looking forward to writing a book which related to Islamic motivational books(I heard there are many UIA students who got their books published) and I have sent my proposal in Bahasa Malaysia(must be in BM) but well like I said, no reply. Okay, my writing in Bahasa Malaysia may sound a bit peculiar (not saying my English is better as it is weirder and atrociously appalling especially during exam). My Arabic classmate who happens to be a PTS writer urged me to send it again but I don’t have the nerve because my confidence has dissipated and left a mark of disappointment on my vulnerable heart. At least inform me about the rejection.

2) Got called a religion nuts by some secularists nuts and got badly condemned by them.

Okay, it is my fault too as I should have done my research first before being a brazen fool commenting about the Darwin’s theory thingy in theTimesonline.co.uk website. The article is about the rejection of the Islamic scholars towards Darwin’s theory. Well, many of them (I assume almost all of them are secularists) spurned and reprimanded the Islamic scholars' behaviour for rejecting it. Feeling ragingly mad, I brilliantly and audaciously criticized the theory without taking a heed that I may have debated with the Cambridge or Oxford professors or something. Okay, seriously when I read their comments I felt like I was reading a thesis. Well a great lesson for me: Do your research first or else you would be an arrant fool in the comment section.

3)Could not provide a lucid and patent proof for my statement.

Arrggh..I wish I have the talent to speak eloquently. I tend to falter and get easily flustered when I talk even in my own dialect. With this kind of disposition, how could I grasp my dream? My confidence tank has been dried up by the negative outcome from my past experiences. I wish I could steal from others.

4) Ballooning up. Up , up and away.

I have a hankering for food. Especially fats-laden type. Yes, I like to eat when I’m happy and when I am sad and when I’m suffering from stress and when I am ...um...okay, no wonder I am ballooning up. Plus, with the hibernating activity, the fats are growing swiftly. And what irks me the most is when the people are gleefully commented about my weight-gained as if they had won a grand prize lottery ticket. No, I’m not being facetious or something. I’m spluttering out the truth. They would jovially announce to the world about your weight-gained.

5)Watching Bohsia movie is really depressing.

No, really. It made me feel more depressed.

Luckily, I have iman otherwise I might bang my head against the wall to death after watching the movie. The storyline may be a bit scattered especially the ending. It also does not have a synchronous ending. Well this may not be related with the confidence loss but it has incited the great stress inside me. If you’re on the brink of distress, don’t watch the movie otherwise you might run amok.

6) Posted a wrong post in the wrong category. I’ve joined this website called “The Experience Project” at http://www.experienceproject.com/.

It is a magnificent website. Yes. Magnificent. Well for me of course. We can share our ample experiences and you could even confess anything including your deepest secret anonymously about having an intense sincere feeling of how much really care and concern about the person whom you should not suppose to (as you know you would never get that person) while ignoring the little voice of yours piped out “ARE YOU CRAZY?” in your mind as you know your feeling is genuinely sincere and immaculate.

And you always pray for his happiness and plead with God wholeheartedly to protect that person from any pain as he has suffered enough and you know you would never have the chance to protect that person or even make him happy or even said that he doesn’t have to change a thing as you would accept him as he is and you could only depend on God solely and... uh okay enough with the confession examples. I guess I’ve given more than enough.

Just imagine you wanted to express genuinely pure feeling but it turned out to appear in the sex confession category even if you have chosen the love category.

I could feel a large pile of embarrassment slapping my face. Oh great. People would think I’m a psycho.

Well let’s think positive. As long as it is immaculate and sincere, nah who cares. Okay honestly I freaked out a little. No, frantically. Who wouldn’t? Okay, forget about that.

By the way this year has been a death year. I heard so many death news circulated around me. And I even lost someone whom I truly love, my grandma. We never know when would be our turn. Therefore, please appreciate people around you and don’t hesitate to express your concern, care and love towards someone who you really love and important to you.

I guess that’s all for today. Assalamualaikum and take care.

At last..the sweet freedom..

*Do the monkey dance*

Well you know what that means right? It depicts the end of final exam. At last! The freedom! Oh, the freedom—the sweet like chocolate Indulgence cake kind of freedom.

Syukuralhamdulillah. It ends at last! I do not know why I could not see eye to eye with exams as I would slump into the arrant carelessness (the crass ones especially). Sykuralhamdullilah, I manage to restrain myself from running amok in the exam hall when I did a ludicrously silly mistake.

By the way, I’m back in my beloved hometown, Miri Sarawak. The place that I utterly love nonetheless. Now I could slouch all day long while breathing the air of freedom. Well for now. But the most important thing is I could savour my eyes with novels. By the way, I’m thinking about writing a short story. I did write countless of them but all them are left unfinished.

Well, a piece of advice for you, if you want to write a story, don’t read too much books. A writer who I couldn’t remember his name said that by the way. Well perhaps reading ample books during the writing process could lead to the jumbled ideas in the plot.

Readers could be muddled reading our stories. And some of them might even die. Yes. Die. Just imagine if that person has a heart attack and he or she was irate and peeved by the failure of comprehending our story. Then, the unconquerable seething annoyance and wrath would provoke the heart attack to attack. Get it? Okay, ignore my exaggeration. This is the “aftermath” of exam. My mind is a bit peculiar and tends to emit illogically surrealistic ideas.

Examples? I’m starting to blather incoherently and also there’s a voice urging me to do the monkey dance in front of Azman Hashim Complex (somewhere in my university). I don’t know why I’m fond of doing the monkey dance. Well, probably because the monkeys are everywhere at my hostel and the influence is inevitable.

Okay, speaking of monkeys, they remind me of Darwin's theory—the evolution. Seriously. We evolve from a monkey? If we were evolved from a monkey, how did they exist? And how did the rest of the creatures exist as well? It does not make any sense at all because everything which has existed must have a creator.

For example if we created robots and then we cloistered them away in some places where there are no humans' presence, they would think that they are evolved from the evolution—perhaps from a rusty old car’s metal or something.

God has given us a lot of signs. An obvious sign! But noo..humans tend to slump into hedonism believing that we must indulge into our own pleasures. Many of them even questioned about His existence.

Okay, why don’t you open your eyes and look at yourself. Look deeply. No, not complaining about your weight gain or the juicy pimples but just look at yourselves. Then, go ahead peer at others especially who are different from you.

Yes. We have different and diverse attributes, appearance and the like. It does not make any sense if we naturally develop just like that without having a creator to govern us. There must be a creator who has designed us to be like this. As in the Quran, Allah s.w.t has stated:

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair of a) male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may know each other. Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (one who is) the most righteous of you…" (Al-Hujurat 49:13)

See. That is the reason why humans do not possess the same attributes so we could know each other well and not to invoke hatred or imprint any negative thought in our mind about other races. It is ridiculous to think that there is a particular race which is more superior than others. We are the SAME species.



Remember, we are the same. We are human. Not monkeys. We could think rationally and sensibly. We have the savvy. We are God’s creation as well as the monkeys and the rest of creations. If you read the translation of Al-Quran, you would see He has explained everything lucidly and the explanation does not collide at all with science.

For example, human’s existence. Allah s.w.t has explained about the creation of human and the process is exactly the same with the research that was conducted by the scientists. How did Prophet Muhammad s.a.w know all that? It would be illogical to say that it is a lucky guess as all the processes are accurately illustrated. By the way, the advance technology was not even yet invented during that time. How could he possibly know?Unless he was given the guidance and inspirations. Of course, Allah s.w.t had divulged the revelation to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

Moreover, there are lots of things which have been clearly and accurately explained. Before any of you have a negative perception about Islam, why don’t you delve into Islam especially Al-Quran and read more about Islam. But be careful. Not just simply “google” it up as you might go to the wrong websites which spread the fallacy about Islam. Go to this website http://www.godallah.com



It has provided lucid and clear-cut information about Islam. By the way, religion and science SHOULD NOT be separated as without any of them to complement each other, confusion and doubt would arise.That is all from. Assalamualaikum.

One more to go..

*Take a deep breath* Okay, one more. Whatever you do Me, please don’t ever let the deranged mind to control your body movement otherwise you would end up gyrating nonsensically in the exam hall. Ah, exams. Never fail to ooze out the unflagging insanity which has resulted me to fluster every time when I flip up the exam paper. I wish I could diminish the hatred towards exams but it’s hard to force yourself to fall in love with something which you vehemently detest. I know I have to plant the seed of love in my garden (heart) in order to grasp the scroll of success.

By the way, if you see the word “garden” in my poems it refers to the heart. I’m afraid that you would digest the message wrongly. Okay, let’s get back to the topic before I digress far away to the infinite sky. About...um. Where was I? Ah, exams. See! It also has caused amnesia to prevail.

I don’t know why I fond of misinterpreting the questions which consequently would lead me to the loss of marks. I know I am a daft—a downright crass. Alright Me. Stop with the negative notions. As my friend Ajie bushuk said, “Don’t say negative things during exams.” Alright, Me. Let’s be positive!

Let’s start by singing to muster up the irrevocable confidence. “I believe I can fly.I believe I can touch the sky...but this feeling is just a lie...because of my stupidity I would indeed fall and die...”

Oh great. Did I just sing with that lyric? No wonder I always lose my marbles and digest the questions wrongly. Okay, say NO to CARELESSNESS. Well, if only my mind would be submissive to such order and not be vehemently perverse.

O, Allah s.w.t, my Beloved, please don’t let my result to plummet incredibly because of my stupidity and carelessness. Only You could help me as You have the power over all things. Amin

That’s all for today. Please pray for my success. Only one paper left to suffer, I mean to go. Assalamualaikum and take care.

The final exam is looming..Be afraid..Be very afraid

If you look through the glasses of your imagination (if you have one) you would see there is a big thick spider web adorning my blog. I was truly busy lucubrating for the past long nights completing my assignments and preparing for my presentations’ and syukuralhamdulillah, the inferno of gruelling weeks at last have dissipated despite my horrendous outcomes especially presentations (yes, I’m inept at presenting). However, its end does not denote my endless rapture as the final exam is looming.

I tend to get flustered when it comes to answering exams as well as presenting. Well I have an anxiety problem which I fail to manage. That is why I always end up with a big “L” word (LOSER) scribbled on my forehead after answering my exams as well as presenting. Please pray for my success.

By the way, I could not blather, I mean write longer than usual (plus long-windedly) as I have a deluge of work to settle (well, like you care). By the way, I don’t have time to wade through my posts correcting my grammar. Being an editor is quit taxing, don’t you think so? That is why I prefer to be a writer rather than an editor so I could write callously without taking a heed of the flagrant grammar mistakes. Okay, I would get chided by my lecturers if they read this. They always advise us countless times to be more vigilant in our writings and not to commit blatant grammatical mistakes as we are the bachelor of English students.

Well sometimes I have the intention to masquerade myself to be other courses’ students because of one simple and obvious reason:-I have a penchant for breaking the rule. Well rules are meant to be broken, right? Wrong. You will get reprimanded and face your own comeuppance. Another reason why I don’t feign is because I do not want to be called a traitor and ostracized by my course mates.

By the way, this week is our last class. Aww..I’m going to miss all the classes especially Discourse subject. I love that subject because it deals mostly about writing. Well, I love writing. Writing is like eating Chocolate Indulgence cake from Secret Recipe. Okay, let me unravel my queer symbolism, it means enjoyable. I relish writing despite my aimless rambling as I feel more comfortable to express through this medium. (Note: Repetition of the word “writing” depicts my vehement fondness for it.)

I learn a lot how to produce an eloquent and potent writing discourse and etcetera. Thank you, Dr Haja. Actually, besides my dream profession of becoming lecturer (despite I don’t have the qualification), I want to be a columnist— a jocular and with the style of my own, columnist.

Well, only if there are newspapers or magazines willing to accept a writer who likes to drone on about food and has a peculiar incomprehensible symbolism. There are actually. It only happens in my dream. Well, that is my rambling for today.

Before I go and sleep like a roaring formula one car’s engine, I want to convey my deep condolence to my Error subject lecturer, Dr.Nora as her beloved mother has “returned” to Allah s.w.t . Al-Fatihah. May Allah s.w.t bless her mother’s soul.

Well, how about us? When will we ride the “carriage of death”? When would be our turn to return to Allah s.w.t? Be prepared. The angel of death will greet us arbitrarily. Assalamualaikum .

(Note:Actually this was meant to be posted last night but due to the irksome low connectivity, the activity was impeded.)

Happy Eid Mubarak..Selamat Hari Raya

Me, seeking forgiveness (Yeah, right) from my annoying beloved sister

*Holding an imaginary microphone* Testing..one..two..three. Ehem. Assalamualaikum. Happy Eid Mubarak to all my fellow Muslims and enjoy “planting” fats (actually I’m the one who’s blithely doing that).

My mouth is out of control—could not stop eating every second, every minute and every hour. No, seriously. I am being Ms. Gluttony.

By the way right now, I am having delusion. Not because I am stoned but I am gorging on too much of saccharine stuff—especially Kek Lapis Sarawak(Sarawak’s traditional cake which is a MUST during Eid Mubarak celebration, a surfeit of Hari Raya assorted biscuits, a colossal amount of chicken and the like. Oh, boy. I am absolutely bloated. Not just that, I am also having a hallucination because of the excessive amount of sugar that I consumed. What do I see right now? I see the image of chicken, dancing while Kek Lapis Sarawak and assorted Hari Raya biscuits are moving in a circular pattern around my head.

However, an immense amount of food consumption could not impede my grief. This year, for the first time, we celebrated Hari Raya (Eid Mubarak celebration) without my beloved grandmother as she has returned to Him, Allah s.w.t. May Allah s.w.t bless her soul. Remember. “Death” would greet us arbitrarily. Don’t let Hari Raya celebration drags you into the oblivion of your duty as a Muslim. Don’t forget Allah s.w.t.

As I said for the umpteenth times, you never know when your time is for “departure”—leaving this world for good. World is an ephemeral place of pleasure. And please imprint those words in your mind, my beloved fellow Muslims. That is all for today as I am absolutely knackered because of eating without a respite. Assalamualaikum. And once again happy Eid Mubarak and let us pray to Allah s.w.t, Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim, hope we could meet again the next Ramadhan. Assalamualaikum.

My beloved family

Miss greenish.Yes, green is our theme(my family) for this year Hari Raya

Cute lil cousin, Miza embarked on the journey of collecting "green angpau"..(okay including me too lol..kacheeng)

With my cuzzies wuzzies duzzies hazzies..

And my annoying beloved younger brother who took his picture illicitly..(He supposed to take my picture)

Ten guidelines from Allah s.w.t

When I read this poignant article, my heart is laden with tears. Not the tears of sadness but my heart is immensely touched. How could I not fall in love greatly with Allah s.w.t despite my countless flaws?Read this.May Allah s.w.t bless the person who wrote this article.

TEN GUIDELINES FROM ALLAH[The love letter from Allah s.w.t for us] (Taken from:http://www.muftisays.com/blog/Mahd-ul-Huda/89_12-02-2009/ten-guidelines-from-allah.html)

1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Alternatively, do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I cannot help you until you turn it over to Me. Moreover, although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of many things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:
Once you have given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? Put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Do not wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now; I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It is simple. You gave Me your burdens and I am taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget many things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I am in control. Nevertheless, there is one thing I pray you never forget. Please, do not forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:
I see many things from up here that you cannot see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I am doing. Trust Me; you would not want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you do, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you are. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who have not heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, and rush.

9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? I created you for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a ALLAH of Love. Love Me.
Love your neighbors. Also, love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.
Do not ever forget...

A thing that exudes insanity in one's mind..