The final exam is looming..Be afraid..Be very afraid

If you look through the glasses of your imagination (if you have one) you would see there is a big thick spider web adorning my blog. I was truly busy lucubrating for the past long nights completing my assignments and preparing for my presentations’ and syukuralhamdulillah, the inferno of gruelling weeks at last have dissipated despite my horrendous outcomes especially presentations (yes, I’m inept at presenting). However, its end does not denote my endless rapture as the final exam is looming.

I tend to get flustered when it comes to answering exams as well as presenting. Well I have an anxiety problem which I fail to manage. That is why I always end up with a big “L” word (LOSER) scribbled on my forehead after answering my exams as well as presenting. Please pray for my success.

By the way, I could not blather, I mean write longer than usual (plus long-windedly) as I have a deluge of work to settle (well, like you care). By the way, I don’t have time to wade through my posts correcting my grammar. Being an editor is quit taxing, don’t you think so? That is why I prefer to be a writer rather than an editor so I could write callously without taking a heed of the flagrant grammar mistakes. Okay, I would get chided by my lecturers if they read this. They always advise us countless times to be more vigilant in our writings and not to commit blatant grammatical mistakes as we are the bachelor of English students.

Well sometimes I have the intention to masquerade myself to be other courses’ students because of one simple and obvious reason:-I have a penchant for breaking the rule. Well rules are meant to be broken, right? Wrong. You will get reprimanded and face your own comeuppance. Another reason why I don’t feign is because I do not want to be called a traitor and ostracized by my course mates.

By the way, this week is our last class. Aww..I’m going to miss all the classes especially Discourse subject. I love that subject because it deals mostly about writing. Well, I love writing. Writing is like eating Chocolate Indulgence cake from Secret Recipe. Okay, let me unravel my queer symbolism, it means enjoyable. I relish writing despite my aimless rambling as I feel more comfortable to express through this medium. (Note: Repetition of the word “writing” depicts my vehement fondness for it.)

I learn a lot how to produce an eloquent and potent writing discourse and etcetera. Thank you, Dr Haja. Actually, besides my dream profession of becoming lecturer (despite I don’t have the qualification), I want to be a columnist— a jocular and with the style of my own, columnist.

Well, only if there are newspapers or magazines willing to accept a writer who likes to drone on about food and has a peculiar incomprehensible symbolism. There are actually. It only happens in my dream. Well, that is my rambling for today.

Before I go and sleep like a roaring formula one car’s engine, I want to convey my deep condolence to my Error subject lecturer, Dr.Nora as her beloved mother has “returned” to Allah s.w.t . Al-Fatihah. May Allah s.w.t bless her mother’s soul.

Well, how about us? When will we ride the “carriage of death”? When would be our turn to return to Allah s.w.t? Be prepared. The angel of death will greet us arbitrarily. Assalamualaikum .

(Note:Actually this was meant to be posted last night but due to the irksome low connectivity, the activity was impeded.)

Happy Eid Mubarak..Selamat Hari Raya

Me, seeking forgiveness (Yeah, right) from my annoying beloved sister

*Holding an imaginary microphone* Testing..one..two..three. Ehem. Assalamualaikum. Happy Eid Mubarak to all my fellow Muslims and enjoy “planting” fats (actually I’m the one who’s blithely doing that).

My mouth is out of control—could not stop eating every second, every minute and every hour. No, seriously. I am being Ms. Gluttony.

By the way right now, I am having delusion. Not because I am stoned but I am gorging on too much of saccharine stuff—especially Kek Lapis Sarawak(Sarawak’s traditional cake which is a MUST during Eid Mubarak celebration, a surfeit of Hari Raya assorted biscuits, a colossal amount of chicken and the like. Oh, boy. I am absolutely bloated. Not just that, I am also having a hallucination because of the excessive amount of sugar that I consumed. What do I see right now? I see the image of chicken, dancing while Kek Lapis Sarawak and assorted Hari Raya biscuits are moving in a circular pattern around my head.

However, an immense amount of food consumption could not impede my grief. This year, for the first time, we celebrated Hari Raya (Eid Mubarak celebration) without my beloved grandmother as she has returned to Him, Allah s.w.t. May Allah s.w.t bless her soul. Remember. “Death” would greet us arbitrarily. Don’t let Hari Raya celebration drags you into the oblivion of your duty as a Muslim. Don’t forget Allah s.w.t.

As I said for the umpteenth times, you never know when your time is for “departure”—leaving this world for good. World is an ephemeral place of pleasure. And please imprint those words in your mind, my beloved fellow Muslims. That is all for today as I am absolutely knackered because of eating without a respite. Assalamualaikum. And once again happy Eid Mubarak and let us pray to Allah s.w.t, Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim, hope we could meet again the next Ramadhan. Assalamualaikum.

My beloved family

Miss greenish.Yes, green is our theme(my family) for this year Hari Raya

Cute lil cousin, Miza embarked on the journey of collecting "green angpau"..(okay including me too lol..kacheeng)

With my cuzzies wuzzies duzzies hazzies..

And my annoying beloved younger brother who took his picture illicitly..(He supposed to take my picture)

Ten guidelines from Allah s.w.t

When I read this poignant article, my heart is laden with tears. Not the tears of sadness but my heart is immensely touched. How could I not fall in love greatly with Allah s.w.t despite my countless flaws?Read this.May Allah s.w.t bless the person who wrote this article.

TEN GUIDELINES FROM ALLAH[The love letter from Allah s.w.t for us] (Taken from:http://www.muftisays.com/blog/Mahd-ul-Huda/89_12-02-2009/ten-guidelines-from-allah.html)

1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Alternatively, do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I cannot help you until you turn it over to Me. Moreover, although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of many things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:
Once you have given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? Put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Do not wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now; I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It is simple. You gave Me your burdens and I am taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget many things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I am in control. Nevertheless, there is one thing I pray you never forget. Please, do not forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:
I see many things from up here that you cannot see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I am doing. Trust Me; you would not want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you do, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you are. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who have not heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, and rush.

9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? I created you for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a ALLAH of Love. Love Me.
Love your neighbors. Also, love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.
Do not ever forget...

A thing that exudes insanity in one's mind..

“I must look like a fool sometimes,

Have you ever been in love?

So in love you would do anything?

You find yourself doing things you can’t believe,

But if it gives you a chance,

The tiniest chance then it’s worth it,

Even if the whole world thinks you’re a complete fool”

(From My First Wedding movie)

Despite a plethora of works (oh my god, I haven’t yet begun because of the insidious laziness and idea blockage), I watched My First Wedding movie last night. Well, the last time I watched a movie was million years ago. By the way, I don’t fancy “My First Wedding” movie except for the words and the dashing and utterly handsome actor that made my heart froze.

I totally agree with his statement—the dialogue which I quoted above. They are absolutely, completely and crazily true. When we fall in love, no matter how badly we deny it, we would find ourselves, doing illogical and ludicrous things—no matter how arrant fool we would be.

Argh. Heart—the hardest thing to govern. No matter how good you are in inveigling people and twisting the truth, you could never deceive your own heart.

Nevertheless, like I said countless times, don’t be confused with “selfish love” and “true love”. Ah let the repetition begins:

Selfish love is when you love that person because of their beauty,obsession and etc . In addition, you would do anything in order to possess them, including—abducting that person, stowing away that person in the treasure chest or worst—beguiling that person with love potion. If you find yourself, doing such vile things,it is clearly showed that you don’t love them but yourself. You want to have him or her without thinking about their sentiment. Would he or she be happy if you succeed to steal their heart in the filthy and nefarious way?

Selfish love is also when you only care about yourself and not the person who you love dearly. You would callously comment about that person’s physical attribute and the like. In other words, you want that person to be a fat hypocrite—you urge that person to be someone they are not in order to appease your insatiable needs. (Wanting a model, beautiful and puurrrrfect girl or guy.) Moreover, you would curve a smile, laugh menacingly while saying “You deserve it” when you see the person whom you love suffer.

However, true love is when you would try your best to make that person happy sincerely. You want them to be happy as their happiness would lead to yours. Furthermore, you would try your very best in order to protect that person and always pray for his or her happiness. If doesn’t mean you must kidnap, I mean have that person. The salient part is, to see the perpetual smile on that person’s face. That is what true and everlasting love all about.

Sometimes, you find yourself do foolish and deviant things (not vile or despicable ones) in order to see their everlasting smile. Even though you see the person who you truly love with someone else, you would be happy despite the tinge of sadness. As long as that person is delirious with joy albeit not with you, you would still be happy for them. Yes, that is a pure and true love. The love that would last forever..

That is all. Assalamualaikum.

The crazy hormone..

I am currently fatigue and worn-out. Ah yes. My hormone is still acting oddly, frantically and out of control.

To make matters worse, I could not pacify its boisterous act. You know what would happen if you could not tame your wild and vigorous hormone, right? The volcano inside you would easily get erupted. Culprits who kindled it will surely get their comeuppance—the attack of incredible hulk, the "Mr.Hyde" part of us.

I do not know why those culprits fond of gauging my vulnerable patience. This current moment is indeed a bad, bad time to do so. Every time when I ask nicely and immensely polite (not exaggerating), people tend to reply in unruly and curt manner which of course would trigger a great explosion inside me. From the miss goody-goody, I would transform into a great,ferocious incredible hulk.

It would be that person’s worst nightmare RAWWR..My soft and demure disposition would evolve into unruly and aggressive Voldemort (the antagonist; the villain in Harry Potter..Don’t tell me you don’t know who’s Harry Potter. He is a type of food. Yummy. Haha. No, I’m not a paedophile, by the way)

Moreover, my innocent, angelic face would distort into the hideous creature as the rage has burnt every ounce of it. Again, I do not know why people like to peeve me especially at the time when my unbridled hormone is not at the rational state. 3 things that have irked me greatly:

1^st

a) Someone has ruthlessly proclaimed about the practice of cannibalism in Sabah and Sarawak which has never been done throughout our lifetime. There is no such thing is cannibal in Sarawak except for head-hunters (but that was million years ago and such group is no longer existed. If they did, I would ask them to hunt for that person’s head).

Since I am taking Pragmatics, I could analyze the underlying message (including making presupposition) that I am somewhat a cannibal since I’m from Sarawak. My roommate (that's also happened to be my classmate) guffawed and hitherto could not stop teasing me by calling me “cannibal”. If I were a cannibal, that person as well as my roommate would be the earliest victim.

b) My growing, developing place was called “the middle jungle” by someone. Seriously, I wish I could scoff down that person for my iftar(breaking fast). Okay, it is a joke. Don’t get the wrong idea. I am NOT a cannibal for now.Well you could say that I’m very patriotic person as I love my birthplace (Sarawak) unconditionally. If someone makes fun of it, *brandishing kitchen knife*you know what it means right? A great dish for iftar..

(PS:For those who might feel hurt or anything this is just a joke. I would never make anyone as my dinner as I'm perfectly normal human being. I'm just venting my dissatisfaction. Remember this is my blog;the place where my pent-up emotions free to roam..)

2^nd

When I wanted to buy nuggets at one stall at UIA’s bazaar( my university’s place), I asked in the nicest tone about wanting to buy 6 pieces nuggets, I thought 3 pieces cost rm 1. However, I was wrong as the annoying seller corrected me that it was rm1.20 in a terse manner. Duh, it's only the addition of 20 cent.

Nonetheless, unable to comprehend her message, I asked her to repeat. She repeated in rowdy and rude way which indeed had provoked my wrath. Once again, I displayed my incredible hulk’s face while saying loudly to my friend intentionally in front of her of how greatly I despised rude people. Suddenly, her voice changed into the soft tone when she dealt with my friend

Her sudden change of attitude has flummoxed my friend greatly as well as me.Honestly, I'm not that type of person but when it comes to getting a rude reply,I would transform into "Hyde" especially when my hormone has gone berserk.

3^rd

And number 3. About the annoying softie steward who refused to put my stuff nearer to me. Consequently, it had lead difficulty for me to get my stuff—that culprit put my stuff quite far. Just imagine, I had to wade through the wave of people. Argh I incredibly hate him. I felt like I wanted to hurl that heavy stuff at him and feign it was all an accident.

Okay that is all. By the way I’ve returned back in one piece to my beloved hometown, Miri Sarawak along with a plethora of assignments..

Ps: Something has curved a beatific smile on my face albeit a few common words expression.. However, that few words could be invaluable and would make someone to relish the endless happiness.. :)

Happy Ramadhan Kareem :)

Happy Ramadhan Mubarak and may Allah s.w.t bless all of you. I hope I’m not too late for saying it as for the past few weeks, I was overwhelmed with a plethora of works. At last, this very weekend, I could exhale the air of freedom but unfortunately for a fleeting period of time. Tomorrow, the dawn of hectic schedule will rise. The ruthless works would never meet their end till I fling highly "the square" hat. By the way, I’m having a writer’s block. I could not spew out ideas of what should I blather, I mean write on for my Discourse’s assignment. I luuurve to write but simultaneously, the blockage of idea would constantly beleaguers me. No matter how hard I knock my head on the wall, the ideas could not be spawned. No, I don’t mean it literally or else I would end up with memory loss. I am really scared that my writing would be long-winded rubbish for nothing. I am really good in rambling on aimless stuff but not for educational purposes. It would be a sheer miracle if I manage to do so.

Okay, moving on. Actually, I have ample gossips, I mean stories— to share. However, I do not have the vehement mood to propel me in updating the blog. By the way, my mood is once again in the unstable condition. I nearly transformed into an incredible hulk yesterday when I went out to break my fast with my friends at KFC, Wangsa Maju. Why? The culprit is the annoying cashier. Well, that is not so me.Could not you see an incandescent halo above my head?(Yeah right)

I was on the edge to throw my tantrum when the annoying cashier gave me two small pieces of chicken. It is unfair! Many people received an enormous juicy chicken except me. Was he telling that I am extremely fat and should only consume small-sized chicken? Okay, I am aware that I have a big bone in line with the stout physical attribute but he doesn’t have the right to give me small-sized chicken! Okay, I know he did have the right to pick whatever chicken he desired for the customer but still, not fair!

Oh yeah, I am taking Pragmatics by the way—the study of what is communicated more than it is said. I innately analyzed the message what the speaker conveyed. I guess, I was driven by my incoherent hormone. I may be an introvert person, easily stepped like grass and
not the person who is easily angered and the like. I don’t have a valour to hurl caustic remarks or pointy words at people by the way (I’m also very careful in choosing my word)—but when my hormone is at the vigour state of madness, ah you should be very, very afraid. Don’t get on my nerves during my stormy mood. I don’t want to end up biting your head off as I’m not a belligerent type of person. I know I may turn into lioness when my hormone has gone berserk, (like my sister haha) but I would only hunt my prey if they themselves succumb into my lair. In other words, kindling my rage.

I guess that’s all for today. By the way I am going back on this coming Friday. Woo-hoo. That’s all and assalamualaikum.And once again, Happy Ramadhan Kareem and may Allah s.w.t bless you. :)

What is "beautiful?"

What "beautiful" is all about? A thick mascara saturating the eyelashes or a gaudy red lipstick on the lips? Or perhaps to cover one’s face with the facial white powder like a phantom? (Those are for girls obviously)

How do you perceive beauty? Do we have to be a beauty-fool in order to be stunning? I will surely knock the guy's head with my heavy (no, I’m not joking) polka-dot backpack who sees beauty through the girl’s appearance; her alabaster complexion, natural pink lips, the lustrous big eyes, slender and slim body. I truly and absolutely despise guys who quickly fall in love with the girl’s outer beauty. Bear in mind, girls—that kind of love will also quickly wither and rot like a skinless apple.

My counselling’s lecturer enumerated what type of girls that the guys ogle, I mean like. He told us the story about how his wife’s friend kept badgering him into telling her. Then he shared what he replied and started listing on the whiteboard.(well,not so white actually):

1) Fair (my jaw and the rest (all the girls, of course) drop on the floor and the big word “what?” simultaneously written in our eyes.

2)Tall

3) Sexy (okay, that’s TOO much)

And then he continued, “If you have these qualities, you would easily get a guy.”

Before he received a barrage of angry complaints (greatly from me and the female students obviously), he quickly said, “BUT, if you have this kind of guy as a husband, you will also get divorced easily.”

That explained everything. He nearly gave me a massive heart attack and that would also intensify my hatred towards most guys. And he elucidated more, “That is the bad guy!”

We all nodded robustly. He then exemplified through the story of his wife while gesticulating vigorously. There was one day when his wife wore a beautiful dress and her face covered with makeup just to entice him. She asked him “Am I beautiful?”

He looked at her and replied nonchalantly, “No.”

And again with the act of dropping jaws and a big “what?” on our faces.

“If I married with Erra Fazira (a Malaysian actor) or a beauty queen, I will give the same answer.”

[ Short note: I’m using the neutral term, "actor" to avoid sexist language by the way. Yes, “actor” is used for both genders.]

And then he curved a smile, " The beauty is exuded when my wife greets me, ‘hello dear’ every time when she wakes up in the morning with her dishevelled look and when she greets me in a soft and soothing tone, ‘welcome back dear’ and asks me if I want a glass of water. That is beautiful. The beauty that would last forever. And remember, just be yourself!”

I was touched and greatly astounded. My tears were almost trickled. Thank god that kind of guy still exists. I thought it was a myth. Yes, I totally agree!The outer beauty is transient. The beauty that will last forever,on the other hand,when you see everything about that person is beautiful.(including the flaws) Just be yourself, people. A piece of advice for girls: do not squander your money on trivial stuff in order to be beautiful to allure guys. The chance to get the wolf type is really high. It is better to donate your money to the needy ones.

Moreover, Allah s.w.t loves those who fond of donating. Remember, just be yourself! Do not be intimidated by loneliness. Allah s.w.t is always there for us. Sykuralhamdulillah, although I do not have anyone currently (I want a soul mate, a husband not just in the world but also in the hereafter :) ), I am happier than before. Allah s.w.t is always being there for me especially when my world turns gray.

"O humanity! There has come to you a direction from your Lord and a cure for all [the ills] in men’s hearts - and for those who believe, a Guidance and a Mercy" (Quran 10:57).

Human tends to forget and oblivious of Allah s.w.t presence.

"And your Lord says: ‘Call on Me; I will answer your (prayer)…" (Quran 40:60)

Hence, put all your trust in Allah s.w.t as. He is the most powerful and merciful one. That is all for today. I’ve to get back to work. Assalamualaikum and take care.

"When you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah" (Quran 3: 159).

Unbridled hormone

My unbridled hormone has gone berserk. Right now, I feel like I want to hurl my laptop at people. Any volunteers? I really hate it, extremely PEEVED when I am beleaguered by this kind of incoherent and ill-feeling; I could not think rationally, my heart is spewing out the inscrutable and unfathomable rage. I feel like I want to throw my laptop at you at this very moment. Nah. I would not. I love my laptop albeit its cap lock’s button was detached from its place. Probably you might be wondering how I got my cap lock’s button to deviate from its place. I am going to tell you anyway even though your head isn’t nodding.

The culprit is: the book. Okay, it was my fault as I did not arrange it properly on my rack. It had flung with a sudden, as if it was a winged thing—down, down onto my motionless laptop’s keyboard. What I heard was a loud thud, followed by my endless shriek of horror. I still love it despite its dilapidated look. Okay. I think I’ve to stop now before I hurl you any lethal stuff. Oh come on, I would not even hurt a fly. (I just spray it with aerosol spray). That is all. I’ve to get back to work as there is a deluge of works and also 2 midterms next week. Oh, great. I am “overjoyed”. That is all. Assalamualaikum.

Short note: I heard a snippet of story about him (my-crush-whom-I-should-not-be). I guess what was broken has been mended. And I am glad. May Allah s.w.t grant you the endless happiness :).My incoherent hormone has nothing to do with this, by the way.

Hello colossal amount of works and goodbye sweet free time (for now)

An avalanche of works has yet again greeted me with a WIDE smile. I’ve to remain stoic and prosper a great forbearance. I am sorry as I could not update my blog frequently—even my journal is adorned with dust. Furthermore, there are ample books I’ve to read but the reading activity is impeded by works and quizzes. And also *insert a daunting music* MID-TERMS. I hate exams. Well, not because I fond of slouching all day (okay, at times) but whenever exams are held, the vicious anxiety would be emitted and sealed my scarce knowledge. I do not know how to eradicate it permanently.

By spraying it with Ridsect ? In other words, aerosol spray(okay, bad idea. I’m the one who would be terminated) or scoffing down countless food? (okay, not related, I know.) Perhaps, I should have a positive mindset— it is the best way anyway as I would remain unharmed physically and mentally. But the question is: how? I did chant “I can do it” mantra, nevertheless, the malignant anxiety would always end up whooping with joy.

Sometimes I do not know where to seek advices or vent my pent-up emotions but only to Allah S.W.T; he is the great listener. Furthermore, people around me are quite busy with their own matters and I do not want to encumber them with mine as it would exude another stress inside their head.

Oh no, I don’t want to be the perpetrator in making them to be shackled in the mental home. However, there would be a time (actually right now :( ) where I need someone to listen my tedious whines and help me in rallying up my spirit. Before this, I use to confide and vent everything to sister. Although she would end up giving me a ferocious advice, she would always be there every time when my world blanketed with the thick gray clouds. However, since she has someone in her life, she transformed into “Mr.Hyde”(The character from Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde novel)— and always replied me with a nag. Sometimes, I feel like I’m losing her. No, I’m not envy or anything as I want her to be happy but currently lots of people around me are changing. Only Allah s.w.t could comprehend my forlorn sentiment.

Okay, enough with the hackneyed whines, I’ve to start searching and doing my works:

1)Discourse

a)Writing an article(Note to self: Don’t blather or ramble aimlessly. And DON’T talk about food)

b) Sexist and racist language and followed by alternatives.

2) EAP (Have to present the outline)

3) Helping my lecturer (from other department) with his research.

Actually, my partner in crime, Sue and I are ablaze with enthusiasm but in the same time, I could still feel a paucity of fear penetrates. Well people expectation sometimes scares me as I’m afraid my effort could not reach their expectation. Plus, the tendency to mess up is quite high every time when I set my mind not to. Is it me, or has anyone ever suffered from the same problem; tended to mess up even you have tried your best eluding it? I guess only me. (I’m eccentric, I know)

4)Pragmatics( coming soon)

5)Study for midterms and quizzes.

Moreover, I need to increase my level of confidence. Ah, yes. It has decayed and withered currently. I guess I’ve to stop rant and rave and start doing my work. (Yeah, right). That’s all. Assalamualaikum.

A letter to Heart

Dear Heart,

Stop creating the turbulence or hullabaloo in my mind. Your unacceptable manner has led to a great insurmountable muddle. Most of the time, the rationality is inevitably dispelled because of your ludicrous action. I plead with you wholeheartedly to stop tormenting me with your absurd visions. Never let stupidity controls you. Your cooperation is highly appreciated or I might take a serious action by selling you and searching for your replacement. This is not a joke. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear You,

The stark and lucid truth is what I am giving you. I am not wearing a grotesque mask of lies, unlike you. You let the malicious lies permeate every part of me and it is incredibly hurt, you dimwit. How would you feel if I throw a fusillade of hungry spears and let them to gnaw your vulnerable skin ferociously. Do not underestimate me as I have the power to radiate perpetual insanity that may lead you to dwell in the mental hospital. I may be brainless but I would never conceal the sheer truth.Moreover, it would be a grievous and nefarious sin if you dare to sell or exchange me with others. In addition, you would face a severe punishment in hereafter if you have the audacity to do so. I would never, Insha’Allah, exceed the unlawful Islamic laws’ boundary. I believe that I stand on the linear of truths. By the way, you are the one who incited the upheaval in your own brain. Do not throw blames at me, you fat hypocrite. I am only exuding the pure truth. The crown of stupidity is aptly suited on you. I am sorry if the hurtful words are attached but hey like I said, I am only spawning the truth.

-Your honest Heart-

Not an everyday conversation, huh? Starting a conversation with our heart is like drinking a strong coffee without sugar. Speaking of truth, on other hand, is like a blustering wind. That is all from me. Assalamualaikum.

[Note:By the way, I saw my crush whom I should not be. There was a huge grin of happiness plastered on his face. I guess the palatable happiness is thriving on his land. Allah s.w.t has granted my “Doa”(Prayer)]

Everything goes wrong..

E.G.W day or known as “everything goes wrong day” or shall I say “everything goes wrong week“ has again clobbered me. Not just that, the insidious dejection is currently haunting me. However, I could remain stoic (Oh really?) and not to attack people with my pink broomstick in order to release the seething distress. Let me enumerate them:

1) Badly abashed by wrong pronunciation. (Globa-lee zation vs Glō′bəl i zā′s̸hən)

During my EAP class (English Academic Purposes) my lecturer zealously dying to know about our selected topic for our research. When we replied his question with silence, he looked at the class name’s list and called out randomly. Guess what. The very lucky name was meeeeeeeee...Arghh..among gazillion students, it always be me!To make matters worse, he also stated my course. Let me illustrate through dialogue:-

Here goes:

My stern lecturer: Okay, a BENL student. (Bachelor of English)

Me: *My small voice piped up inside my head*(Gulp..Why me? What did I do?)

My stern lecturer: What’s your topic?

Me: *The malicious anxiety started to crop up coincide with my trembling voice* Um..negligence towards English language may lead to difficulty in facing the glo..glo (Oh my god, how to pronounce globalization) um..globa-lee..

My stern lecturer: (Disrupted me) Apa globalee, globalee. (What globalee, globalee) You have problem in pronouncing globalization. Why don’t you practice pronounced it every morning?

Then the robust laughter elicited.

That time, I wished the earth could swallow me up.

2) My favourite slipper was ravaged because I tripped over the chink in the bridge.

Ah yes. That time, I was rushing to class not because I’m late ( I guess so..) but we have to jostle for our seats. The students are quite immense in amount. First come, first served. I truly hate to sit on the back as the sleepiness would invade my feeble eyes. It is 8.30 a.m class. What do you expect?

Unfortunately, on my journey to class, I was daftly and clumsily stumbled over the chink in the bridge which resulted to the ruin of my all time favourite slipper. Sadly, it could not be fixed :(.

To make matters worse, I had to haul my broken slipper to my class as the nearby slipper’s stall had not yet been opened. And yes, I had to drag my slipper all the way to class and it’s quite far.

Throughout my journey, I got hurled by the bafflement expression from people but I tried to act nonchalantly.Nevertheless, I’ve problem to control my face expression. Consequently, my face was still flashing a funny look that time. Some people might think I am a disabled person.

Even my friend said, “You look like ‘ Orang Kurang Upaya’(Disabled person) when she saw me struggling in dragging my slipper.

3) I bought a super cool laughingstock kind of slipper.It is MAN footwear by the way.

After my Error and Analysis Constructive class, I had to buy slipper as I got another class which was Pragmatics. I was delirious with joy when I saw the footwear’s stall was opened but the joy had plummeted when there was no size and the seller’s reason was out-of stock. And I had no choice but to purchase man footwear as I’ve enormous feet. The seller didn’t mention it was man footwear but I could tell by its appearance.

I asked for my two friends’ opinion and they said that it looked nice but I could have sworn they were gulping and suppressing their laughter.

Once again to make matters worse, on my way to my Pragmatics class, there was a guy looked at my slipper as if he was paralyzed or suffered from stroke. I’m not joking or exaggerating. His black pupil would not budge from my super cool or in other words, clown-like slipper with small holes scattered on it.

4)My internet broadband hitherto failed to connect.

The message is loud and clear. I don’t have to explain that. I feel like wanting to bite it because of annoyance.

5) The program which I eager to go was cancelled.

Waaarrrggghhhhhhhh...

6) The realm of quiz will start next week.

And the killing assignment has begun too.

7) My world is currently blanketed with gray cloud.

:(

It’s related with my crush whom I should not be.

8) My once alabaster complexion (haha yeah right), is festooned with pimples.

In other words, my face is festooned with stark pimples..argh..they are like magnets. Never fail to get people’s attention which is a pure annoyance to me.

I hope this rough week would not continue. I have been badly abashed enough. By the way, these cute brooches have perked me up a little bit. Despite being books, food and dust collector, I am now collecting cute brooches.

And that’s all for today. Assalamualaikum

If only..

Despite my world is overwhelmed by abundance of gray clouds, the peace is simultaneously growing. Honestly, I feel useless and dense while grasping a bleak hope. I don’t feel to elucidate more. I would, however, post two poems of mine. Here goes:-

Unwelcome Love

The unbridled feeble heart,
Unfathomable you are to me,
Stop creating a grotesque art,
Open your unopened eyes and see.

The wall with tightly shut windows,
Surrounded by fence with barbwires,
How could you surpass the inevitable foes?
Never could we contend and curb their fires.

That red apparition is a great cheater,
Never open your door, never!
It is not saccharine but highly bitter,
Behold, it is nothing but a great deceiver!

Alas, its palpable power is great,
You have to succumb to the immeasurable pain
Now we are empowered by its unconquerable threat,
And because of you I have to consume salty rain.

-Nuruljannah a.k.a Annafisha-


If only

If only I had the chance,
Annihilating fences,
And flashing my true garden
You would see the truth
Growing overtly
Without being sealed
By ominous walls.

If only I had the chance,
To seal away your tears,
And dampen down sombre clouds
While planting bountiful happiness
On your land.

If only I had the chance,
To carry your miseries,
And extinguish your dolorous
wrinkles,
Substitute it with mirth.

If only I had the chance,
To shield you from
The fusillade of
Spears of pain.

If only I had the chance,
To unveil the veil,
Which has blinded your eyes,
To see the burgeoning,
Incarnadine flower
In my garden,
But—
If only—
There was—
A chance.

-Nuruljannah a.k.a Annafisha-

No one knows but God

The new semester has now officially begun. However, I do not prepare mentally and physically as I am dwelling in devastation while breathing the air of grief. Not because I am suffering from homesickness but my beloved grandmother has passed away recently. May Allah s.w.t bless her soul. Al-Fatiha.

Only Allah s.w.t could understand the looming pain which burgeons in my heart. No one could fathom or taste the pain unless they undergo such predicament. Nevertheless, we are not immortal. Residing in the place called earth is ephemeral. We shall someday return back to our creator. No one could evade the greeting from Death. Not any single ingenious hiding schemes could outmanoeuvre it.

To God We belong, and to Him is our return" - Al Baqarah- 156.

Therefore, appreciate people around you. You never know when your time or theirs is. Death is arbitrary and unknown. You never know when “it” comes and greets you. So, be prepared. And bear in mind, all your properties, wealth, titles and the like would be futile except your deeds. So, are you really mentally and physically prepared to face your God?

Do not say that God does not exist such and such as the signs and truth are explicitly visible. They are myriad amount of evidences which unveil the existence of God. Try to read Al-Quran text translation along with the explanation from Ulama or the expert from that field.

Well, have you ever contemplated or mulled over this matter? Why we are created? Well, before I elucidate further, let me ask you one question (if I manage not to digress). Have you pondered over the existence of nifty technologies and other stuffs? Why internet, cars, and the rest are invented? Their mission is to serve and appease our insatiable needs. Right?

(Note: Not to be misunderstood with my statement here. I’m talking about our true mission. God indeed DOES NOT need us. We are the one who needed him.)

Well. Could not you see? Our mission is to serve Allah s.w.t and to attain his pleasure. Not to Paaartaaayyy (party) all night long. Human, however, does not attach this in one’s mind as they are drowning in the ocean of world’s luxury and pleasure. Furthermore, they are not aware with the arbitrary presence of Death and they would someday end up resided in the beloved abode which is the graveyard followed by the severe comeuppance. Allah s.w.t is the most oft-forgiving and wealthy with love. Before you claim that Islam is a rigid religion or subjugating women (culture does that and Islam does not), why don’t you try to get closer to Allah s.w.t by learning more and delving into the study of His attributes.

Humans who solely sought for world-pleasures tend not to get a perpetual peace. What is perpetual peace and how do you know either you have it or not? Easy. If a predicament or calamity arises, you could handle them with a great amount of patience and not to run amok while brandishing samurai’s sword.

Syukuralhamdulillah, if I happen to encounter calamities or predicaments, the eternal peace and patience are unconsciously mustered up. Honestly, at this moment, the mixture feeling of uselessness and dejection are mingled intensely which has resulted doleful face to loom. I may be smiling but deep in my heart, I am not. Nevertheless, only Allah s.w.t knows and understands. And yet I still could feel the patience and peace flourish in my heart. That explains why I still could curve a smile or even let out a guffaw despite the knitted knife on my heart. That is all for today. Assalamualaikum.